December 07

In Space No One Can Hear You Scheme

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Jennifer Aniston, either through her own PR machinations or through the collective tabloid consciousness, is positioned as a hero of the dumped. Like Ripley in Aliens, she's locked in a never ended war against the fertile Alien, wasting her child-rearing years in cryo-sleep. Angelina Jolie, who plays the Alien Queen in this over-reaching metaphor, has been strung to the ceiling, permanently pregnant, crapping out little face-huggers left and right. Will Aniston find children with John Mayer or will she die in a lice-infested prison planet? Lines are being drawn in the sand. It's time you picked sides.

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