Next Comic

October 27

TTYN!

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Imagine all those audition tapes sent to MTV on a daily basis; a hundred thousand Real World rejects doled out to Making The Band, Next, A Shot of Love and now Paris Hilton's My New BFF. They aspire to top out at 22-years-old, spending the next couple years getting paid for appearances in college town clubs, Gauntlet challenges, and Maxim magazine photo shoots. How disappointed they must be, waiting to hear from Jonathan Murray, only to receive a phone call gaging how much they like Paris Hilton.

And did anyone tell Nicole Richie that Paris was back on the market? BFF is, after all, not only legally binding but binding in the eyes of God as well. In many states, a BFF is actually elligible for health insurance benefits. So you can understand why I was under the impression that she and Paris are bound in perpetuity.

As far as the competition goes, my money is on Vanessa to win the coveted role. Regardless of what the experts say, Paris bills herself as a modest woman, so the fact that Vanessa is a non-skank should appeal to her. She's also not going to show-up Paris. I'm betting on her average-ness. Corrie, on the other hand, is a major league slut who no doubt has a knot on the back of her head where the plastic surgeon tied back all that skin. As for Onch, he/she was far too luminous, like a transvestite Mork From Ork. If Onch was selected all the attention would be diverted from Paris, forcing introspection, causing her to whither and disappear, sending her back to her home dimension like Mr. Mxyzptlk saying his name backwards.

December 02

Outrage!

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Vanessa has lost in the final round to the banal (and difficult-to-caricature) Brittany! I demand a recount!