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December 28

Hannah Melodrama


There was a time when having a large family was paramount to survival. You needed kids to help out on the farm. Now-a-days, putting little Timmy to work in the field, or in a mine, has been supplanted by putting him to work on The Disney Channel. Never has there been a more sophisticated whore-generating machine (unless you count this guy's lab).

Billy Ray Cyrus, having blown his riches on the world's most expensive Rachel, has turned to pimping out his daughter, in exchange for a recurring role and a Chris Gaines style soul patch. So now Miley's 16, "hanging out" with a 20-year-old underwear model, and it's time dad gives her the talk. This "talk" being illustrated above.

I, like most sixty-year-old women, blame this whole thing on the hormones they put in beef - not overly permissive parents. Statutory rape just means staying true to their country roots. Yee haw!