Previous Comic Next Comic

September 06

Finding Nimoy

1 Comment

J. J. Abrams' Star Trek was covertly designed to placate the fans; its entire plot a cinematic no prize, a quantum mechanical reboot. Were they to simply recount Kirk and Spock's early days there could be no dramatic tension. We know how it ends. We've seen Kirk's straight blond hair turn brown and curly. We've seen him die, an old man, in a bizarre catwalk collapse.

I've postulated a sequel even more mired in continuity corrections, where even the disparate appearances between re-cast actors is explained away.

William Shatner's hair is a follicular legend. Like John Travolta, Nicolas Cage, and Bret Michaels, there has always been suspicion that a tribble-like toupee was involved. In the bald community, wearing such a "hair replacement system" is, of course, a treasonous offense. But if he were a violator, I say let Picard carry that burden. Kirk makes the rug look too good.

I'm of the opinion that Star Trek, and its 726 hours of television, is about the enlightened aspirations of humanity: science, tolerance, and peaceful resolutions. The Star Trek feature films are ostensibly about revenge (see 2,7,8,9,10, and the latest) - hardly an enlightened concept. That said, it was nice to see Trek get the big budget treatment. Perhaps in the forthcoming sequel the entire two hours will be an existential rumination on the duality of man... with lens flares of course.